“If you want something you’ve never had, you gotta do something that you’ve never done!”
This quote has been around for a long time, and some times we see it and bypass it frankly because, we’ve seen it, we know it, it’s repetitive.
But, take a sec to read it again “If you want something you’ve never had, you gotta do something that you’ve never done!”
In marriage, we will find ourselves dealing with some issues over and over again. And sometimes those issues follow us from year to year to year. And before you know it, your exhausted because things have been SAID but nothing has been DONE.
Can you think of an issue that you are constantly talking with your spouse about? A real issue. An issue that causes you sadness.
It’s really disheartening to put your heart on the line and nothing is done to protect it.
In marriage, we are one. One in the sense that if it affects you, it affects US. PERIOD. But often times when sensitive issues come up, partners pick a corner and come out swinging!
It’s a system of the world that we picked up, packed up and brought along in our marriage.
Not for nothing, it’s time to pack that mentality up and mark it “RETURN TO SENDER” with no return address attached.
If we want clear, honest communication and authentic intimacy in our marriages, we have to be honest with ourselves when we feel that old nature of ‘defense’ creeping up when our partner addresses an issue with us.
NEWS FLASH: THEY ARE NOT THE ENEMY!
So, how do we go forward when all we know is whats backwards? Begin to train yourself to think differently.
- Think of your spouse as your safe haven. As your go to guy/girl. As your boo. As your love bug. When you change the way you think, the message sounds totally different.
- Honor what your spouse is saying. No matter how vocal your spouse may or may not be, it takes courage to share whats in your heart. Honor that, respect that. Cherish that. If you don’t, before long, there will be no conversations.
- Know that just because you did it this way in the past doesn’t mean that its what you should do in your present nor should you bring it into your future. SO WHAT your boys came over every day after work before you were married. NEWS FLASH YOUR MARRIED NOW and it could be very annoying for your wife to come home to a house of folk when all she wants to do is cuddle and de-stress. SO WHAT you always went out for dinner and dancing with your girls to the wee hours of the morning when you were in college. NEWS FLASH YOUR NOT IN COLLEGE ANY MORE, YOU’RE MARRIED.
The bottom line is this, if your goal as a couple, is to have a healthy, happy, intimate marriage (even on the not so good days) your gonna have to do what you never done, to get what you never had. Put your pride on the shelf, and your past in a box. Step out on faith and know that your honey, yourself and your marriage is worth the best that you have to offer. 50/50 won’t do, you gotta give it all, and you gotta want to give it all.
So what is it that you can do to gain what you’ve never had before? GO THERE. Do the hard work and be prepared for a bounty of love like you’ve never seen before.
~Marriage, It’s a beautiful thing!