I Am Ready…

I am so grateful to God! He is always in tune with my heart. I wanted a daughter so badly but it seems that the hope of having her eluded me. I was blessed with a baby girl Jordyn Cheyanne Morris in 1999 but to my heart break she was born prematurely and lived just 45 minutes. Now wait, don’t cry for me because I am happy to have had her and my 2 sons Anthony & James who are amazing! But sitting in this training class and thinking about Pastor Kerry Shook’s message this morning; I realize that my character at the time was not inline with my calling or my hearts desire. You see I struggled for years with low self esteem and I certainly had no God-esteem. But over the years God has been preparing me. I didn’t realize it before, but today I do.

While I went through my turmoil and struggles of acceptance (from myself and others), I was able to mentor some amazing young women through DreamGrlz Connecticut, I’ve been blessed with beautiful bonus-daughters Vonnie & Brittany and I have dynamite nieces Tynassia, Jaida, Trayonna & Taylar!

They were my teaching ground. I loved them so much that I gave everything I had so they would never struggle like I did. My love for them kicked in a reserve of love for me that I didn’t know existed.

I am grateful to God for loving me enough to hold back the blessing of being able to buy frilly dresses and pretty hair bows. The gift of our first mommy and me tea party or her first BFF.

I wasn’t ready.

He knows me, He knows my heart. He knows what I long for and what I can handle. If I am given the gift of my own baby girl to raise I know now that I am a reward according to the Holy Scriptures and I can let my daughter know that she is too. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and when my daughter cries because her waist is thick or her hair is kinky, I can lovingly tell that she is too.

I am ready.

I have some struggles, but I have my Lord.

I am ready.

My hair drives me insane some days and I can sometimes eat to many snacks. But my Lord loves me and I have accepted it.

I am ready.

My Lord said He’ll never leave me , so I have the greatest support! And my hubby and family and friends are a bonus in that area.

I am ready.

I have her name picked out and a nick-name too and if she is in God’s will for my life, I can’t wait to kiss her and hug her and tell I her that I love her beyond the moon!!!

She’ll wear dresses to the play ground and to church, she’ll have tons of hair accessories and bangles and shoes. She’ll be my girly-girl! For as long as she allows. But as long as she calls me “mommy” nothing else really matters…..

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