It’s so funny how every time I’m invited to a function that requires me to get dressed up, I have these mental ‘freak out’ moments.
At first, I’m excited, woo hoo, partaeee! But then the day of, I’m a basket case! Everything about me, in my mind, is wrong! My weight, my hair, my clothes, you name it, it’s WRONG! Oh no no, I’m not even dressed yet for the function! But everything is wrong!
I’ve struggled for years with low self-esteem, I think it goes back to things in my childhood that sparked that lie, but nonetheless, I’ve allowed it to travel with me into adult-hood. An entity occupying space in the apartment that is my mind and in the house that is my heart, rent free and costing me more and more by the day!
So many times I tried to shake it, a new shirt here, a glass of wine there, some new boots there…suppression to a constant issue, nothing more.
So as I’m sitting here today, waiting to get my eyebrows waxed for an event I have to attend in about an hour, my mind is saying ‘don’t go, you will look so out-of-place, fat, out dated and foolish!’. But my spirit is saying ‘your fearfully and wonderfully made, you are beautiful and chosen, GO!’
I wish I could end this by saying, I’m jumping up saying YES, YES, I’M BEAUTIFUL, but the truth is, I’m silently, trying to convince myself of that very fact.
Beautiful because my heart is being cleansed and filled with more of God daily. Beautiful because I am coming into my purpose filled life. Beautiful for so many reasons, and no reason at all. But beautiful most of all because Christ calls me beautiful!
So silently…I’m cheering myself on…calling myself beautiful starting with my feet and working m way up.
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